Pet peeves

I saw an article yesterday about "corporate speak" that I think all us who work for a living are sick of. The article talked about "thinking outside of the box" and one of the commenters wrote back and said, "If I hear that phrase one more time, I'm going to ask the person if they first ever thought inside the box."

I thought it was a good response, because I for one have thought the same thing. There's an old game called bingo that can be changed to "corporate speak" bingo. Instead of having numbers on a card, you replace the numbers with words such as: scenario, robust, synergies, core competencies, value added, maximizing shareholder value, etc. Then when you hear your business experts speaking at the next conference, you start marking off the words until you can stand up and yell "BINGO."

One of my biggest pet peeves is having someone at a brainstorming session pounce on your idea with this gem, "That dog won't hunt." Hey, if you are trying to brainstorm, then every idea has merit...later you can judge the good from the bad.

Another one I'm quickly getting tired of is "being thrown under the bus."

Maybe it's too graphic, I don't know. But I'm also tired of it because it's said much too often.

But it's not just words that bother me. I went shopping last night, and there were a few people at the grocery store who were starting to get on my nerves. Like the lady on her cell phone who was maneuvering her cart between me and the milk...while I was trying to reach and get a couple cartons of 2 percent. When I caught her eye, she looked at me with an "I didn't see you there" expression on her face. I was about ready to heave one of the cartons of milk at her to see if she saw that coming!

Then there were two old ladies in the parking lot who first looked like they were trying to hit me with their car when I was putting my cart in the "cart corral" but later I figured out they were both blind as they parked their car at a "jaunty angle" taking up the better parts of two parking spaces.

But the coup de gras came at home when I tried to open up the screen door while packing six bags. I managed to jam my left ring finger into something metallic that didn't give but managed to raise my finger nail about six inches. Nothing like seeing blood spurt into your grocery sacks.

But I must end on a high note...so let me tell you about lunch today. A young man at KFC gave Dad and I both a senior citizens discount for the buffet. So instead of paying $8 a head, we only paid $7. Now is that a compliment to get a dollar off, or is it a smear to be thought of as a senior citizen while I'm still in my forties. Or maybe 49 is when old age occurs?

Oh well....what are your pet peeves?

Toastmasters...not an end, but a journey

Today, I won my third Toastmasters Contest in row. I'm continuing to use my same speech about customer service and I can use it one more time -- for the district competition in Deadwood. After that, I need to come up with a totally new speech.

So I was thinking what else might I like to talk about and the title above came to mind.

I first joined Toastmasters in 1989. I joined because I had a severe fear of public speaking. As in...I completely lost my appetite and was petrified beyond belief to get up in front of others. And finally, I realized I needed to overcome this fear. My tool would be Toastmasters.

For those of you who know no fear, let me tell you that phobias can be crippling. In fact, I not only feared public speaking but I also feared flying and a host of other things. But somehow overcoming my fear of speaking help me overcome these others as well...as if by magic.

But it took a great deal of work and time to get to where I felt comfortable being in front of a crowd and talking. And while I was doing that...I figured I might as also advance in whatever Toastmasters had to offer, namely communications and leadership training.

In 1994, I served as the district governor for about 60 clubs that stretched from western North Dakota to the western third of Minnesota. So from Alexandria, Minnesota, to Alexander, North Dakota sat my District 20 clubs.

The most important thing I learned about leadership was that if I can inspire volunteers to help me, I can inspire people who are actually getting paid to help me. The secret is what sounds like the call letters of a radio station - WIIFM. However, in this case, the letters stand for "What's in it for me?"

People are more likely to do something if they see a benefit for them rather than for you. They don't care if you win an award for being the district governor, but they want to win a ribbon or a plaque for being the president of the best club in the district. So if you inspire them to achieve their goals at the club level, you can achieve your goals as a district governor...simple as that.

But you never really feel like you mastered everything Toastmasters has to offer because Toastmasters isn't an end in itself. For instance, I achieved the highest distinction Toastmasters offers -- Distinguished Toastmaster or DTM. However, that's not important. What's important is that I use my skills that I learned in Toastmasters to do the things I like to do...such as teach a Sunday School class, be the song leader during church service or serve as the chairman of the church's administrative board. I also learned how to write a pretty good speech for executives, which has kept me gainfully employed!

I learned to be organized and communicate well by being a club and then a district officer. And I learned to speak well and, most importantly, be interesting by being a member of not one, but three Toastmasters clubs.

I now only belong to one club, but when I was younger, I had a red hot passion for Toastmasters because like everything else in life...the more you put into it, the more you get out of it.

Or as Paul wrote to the church in Galatia, as you sow, so shall you reap.

Here's a picture of me with the speech trophy I won at Toastmasters today. My son Derek proudly displays his trophy for being an outstanding college TV weather personality. The legacy of Toastmasters continues to a second generation. Both Scott and Derek excelled at speech in high school -- both reaching the national forensic finals -- because they never feared public speaking. I guess they simply thought, "If dad can do it, there's nothing to it."

Random thoughts while channel surfing

I felt terrible last night. I've had a head cold for a few days and rather than seeing the doctor, I decided I would just tough this one out. I guess I'm coming to the realization that if you see the doctor, you're out about $150 for the office call and drugs and the cold still lasts for about three or four days. So if you tough it out and take over the counter medicine to feel a little better and eat lots of chicken soup, the cold lasts about a half a week.

So I had no energy. However, Grandpa had lots of energy. We went for a walk and we read and we cut his toenails. Eventually, he decided it was time for him and the kitty to go to bed. At last, I thought, I can grease up with Vicks and watch the news channels -- CNN, Fox News and...if things get slow...I'll skip over to MSNBC and watch Olbermann's three worse people in the world schtick which is always the same, Bill O'Rielly, Sean Hannity and some Republican lawmaker who had the guts to stand up to the Obama "dream" machine.

CNN was focused on the President's trip to London, but most of the coverage seemed to be centered on the President's wife. No news there, just empty, mindless drivel about how Michelle has risen like a Phoenix from a working class family, attended the best schools in America and appears at ease among the world's leaders and England's royal family. My only question is, "what did they expect?" That she would spill soup on her clothes and show up for her visit with the queen with a red stain on her yellow blouse?

Then it was on to Sean Hannity who had some wierd trio of "experts" trying to decipher the meaning of the President's first 70 days in office and how our kids will never live in a world that is free of paying off the national debt. As I got to thinking about this, I'm pretty sure that I've never lived in the United States when it didn't have a national debt. As far as I know, we're still paying for the Vietnam War, which was fought on credit.

So at the appropriate time, I changed to MSNBC and Olbermann's nightly attack on Fox News. As I listened, it occurred to me that Olbermann is actually promoting Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly as he tries to skewer them Monday through Friday. I mean, wouldn't you like to find out for yourself if these two guys are really as "over the top" as Olbermann's portrays them to be?

And the worst person in world was the House minority leader who had the guts to say that cap and trade would cost the average American household about $3,100 more a year. Not so, Olberman said, the actual price is $31 a year.

Yeah, right....he seems to forget that coal is where Americans get their electricity, natural gas is how we heat our homes and gasoline is how we fuel our cars. So if he thinks $31 a year is the right number, turns out Olbermann is the worst person in the world. There's a term called "pipe dream" which comes from people who smoke hallucinigenics in pipes. Seems Olbermann has had a pipedream....though it's hard to tell through his skowl. My guess is that he's one of those who people who turns meaner when he's under the influence.

Anyone buying the prattle of MSNBC's Olbermann deserves what they get.

But there was still more to come. Starting next Monday, MSNBC will debut the "Ed Show" featuring another former sports commentator turned liberal lackie -- Olbermann also is a former host of Sports Center for those with alzheimer's.

Ed Schultz has hit the big time. The bombastic one will now be one of MSNBC's left swingers -- although Ed used to swing from the right. I heard on his regional radio talk show a couple of weeks ago a spot-on imitation of Barney Frank's lisp. I'm wondering if he'll do that on MSNBC.

With that...it was time to go to bed. But I'm feeling better today. The cold seems to be going away...along with my memories of last night's "news."

A great day for lemonade

This is the second day this winter that I've stayed home from work because the roads to and from were such that traveling is at your own risk. Actually, I probably should have stayed home another two days but went to work at my own peril. And, of course, if you included the lousy traveling conditions that occurred when I was off on Christmas vacation, there were probably another two days that could have been classified as "snow days."

Last week, I saw a picture of a frozen, white longsleeved shirt "flying' from a pole in the snowbank in eastern North Dakota that said, "We surrender" written with red spray paint. That's the way I feel.

Generally, this time of year, I want to start a few tomato plants in my house that can be transplanted into the garden in late May. This year, however, I didn't plant any tomatoes. Perhaps it's because it seems May will never arrive. Instead, we'll just keep having more snow days....perhaps through July.

It used to be that North Dakota was the only state that seemed to get hit by this miserable winter...but now the winter seems to have widened and blanketed everything west of the Mississippi.

Anyway, today is a quiet time away from the office. It's a perfect day to eat some home-made soup, take a nap and catch up on a couple of projects that you never seem to have time for.

When life hands you a lemon, make lemonade.

Jobs that I would hate to have...

On Monday night during the blizzard, guess who showed up on my doorstep dressed in his yellow slicker with a big smile on his face?

Give up? It was the Schwan man!

Then it dawned on me that if he wasn't out selling his frozen foods in the freezing froth, he wouldn't be making any commission. Hmmm...that doesn't sound like a job I'd like to have. Instead, I came home early on Monday because they were pulling the plows off the streets in Mandan and I wanted to make sure I got home.

I got paid for the last two hours of the day...but I didn't really work.

Then tonight it occurred to me that there's another job I wouldn't want. That's being a weather forecaster on the news.

Right now, there is absolutely no right forecast. Grandpa wants it to heat up and melt the snow. But if the snow melts, there is more chance of flooding. So the people who have river water running up to their homes don't want to see a warm up...at least not quite yet.

Well, the forecast wasn't for warmer temperatures any how. It was for more snow and cold weather. So Grandpa said a curse word at the weatherman.

I'm not sure if curse words travel through the TV screen, but my bet is that people fed up with this terrible winter have actually cursed the weatherman to his face.

Can you imagine going to the grocery store or Starbucks and having an irate viewer lay into you because of your weather forecast?

That reminds me of another job I wouldn't want to have...working for Northwest Airlines. The other night the midnight flight to Bismarck got diverted back to Minneapolis because of fog. The next flight with open seats to North Dakota's capital city was at 8:20 the next evening. On hearing that joyful news, many of the passengers decided that they would just return to their town of origin. But there was a glitch. The airline wouldn't give the customers their luggage.

Yes, that's right. The luggage had to fly to Bismarck the next night whether the passenger was going or not.

Can you imagine the bedlam of unhappy campers at the Northwest ticket booth when they heard that news?

So I guess I'm more contented than ever with my job.

What jobs would you hate to have?

Reconnecting on Facebook

You don't get to be 50 years old without meeting a few people along the way...and some of them you might even like to visit with again...if only you could reconnect with them.

So, a week or so ago I joined the Facebook crowd. It took a little (okay, a lot of) help from my son Derek, but "presto" and I'm there with the hip, cool crowd. - creating photo albums, instant messaging, wall-to-wall conversations, etc.

Well, the saying goes, if you only have a hammer, every problem looks like a nail. Two weeks ago, my only tool was a blog -- which allows me to unburden myself of these majestic thoughts -- but now I have a new tool. This one helps me reconnect with old high school and college buddies.

Once upon a time, I was young and playing tuba in the high school band. In fact, I played the tuba for six years...and for all six years the boy playing next to me was Anthony Perrella. This friendship was made even more interesting because when my dad was in high school, one of his best friends was Anthony's dad. In fact, they were boxers together on the Roundup team.

Anyway, I reconnected with Anthony through Facebook...and I got a call from him last night when I had come home early from work. Anthony is now in Billings and works for a company that is a contractor for the lignite-based power plants in North Dakota and the Tesoro refinery north of Mandan.

I also reconnected with my favorite roommate when I went to college in Missoula. His name is Tony Apa. Since getting his baccalaureate degree from the University of Montana in wildlife biology, he has earned his master's and doctorate degrees as well.

I never would have known this about Tony -- who now lives in Colorado -- if it hadn't been for Facebook.

So, new tool, new reacquaintenances. Remember the Oldsmobile commercial that said, "It's not just your father's car." Well, when it comes to Facebook, maybe the slogan should be, "It's not just for your kids anymore."

Or in the words of Seinfeld's Kramer, "I'm out there Jerry...and I'm loving it."

Thank you fellow bloggers for your support....

On Saturday morning I picked up my second win with my Toastmasters speech about customer service. Once again I was the only contestant.

But what made the contest so special was the support shone by my fellow bloggers - Randy Meissner of "More Words to Ponder"; Gary Van Dyke of "What a World"; and DVD of "Number One Cubs Fan." And while he doesn't have his own blog, my brother Ar Vee -- who is a frequent commenter on almost everyone else's blogs -- was also in attendance.

I now advance to the divisional competition which will be at Basin Electric's headquarters in a couple of weeks. This will give me the home court advantage as my Toastmasters meetings are generally at Basin Electric.

I don't know why there are no other contestants. When I was in Toastmasters 10 years ago, participation in these contests was a lot better. Somehow, they must have fallen out of vogue. Well, I hope I'm leading by example and that next year there are several more participants.

Contests are important because they are not only fun, but the competition helps you improve. You can watch how someone better than you performs and then try to learn from them.

Even though I was the only contestant on Saturday, I felt great about the win because I thought I did a great job....and in the end, you are really only competing against yourself.

Now...onward and upward. The photo is of me with my brother Randy (Ar Vee) and my dad helping me hold up the hardware -- first place!