Funny memories of the natural gas bill stuffer

Years ago when I worked for MDU Resources Group, Inc., I was in charge of the bill stuffers that went into the monthly bills of Montana-Dakota Utilities Co.'s energy customers. Once a year we had to put a "scratch and sniff" stuffer into the natural gas customers' bills so that they knew what natural gas smelled like in case there was ever a leak.

For those who don't know, natural gas is odor less in nature, and so the utility mixes it with an chemical called mercaptain, and it smells worse than rotten eggs.

You then can imagine what the mailroom of MDU smelled like every January when a quarter of a million customers in four states received the bill stuffer. The mailroom contained a very large metallic green monstrosity that held the bills, the return envelope, the mailing envelope and about four stacks of various bill stuffers. There was just enough friction caused by the envelope stuffing to release the mercaptain smell every time a bill was mailed. Over the course of eight hours, the room reeked, and after a month, the mailing room almost required a gas mask just to enter. So it wasn't a pleasant place to work in January.

The two people who worked in the mailroom were a couple of characters. It was an elderly man -- who liked to drink at the Paper Dollar bar in Bismarck on his way home from work -- and a nosy middle-aged lady, who was forever trying to win something off the radio. The lady was a shirt-tail relative of my father-in-law, but that's another story.

Anyway, I walked into the mail room one January day, and the old man is tooting right and left...almost in time with the mailing machine as it chugged along stuffing envelopes. He smiled at me, and I guess I smiled back at him...as a person does when they are sort of witnessing something that is a little "out in left field."

Anyway, the old man came up to me and said, "I love this month. I can pass gas and no one can tell because of the stink from the bill stuffers."

If only we had also been given ear plugs, I thought.

But the strangest thing was a letter I received from a distraught mother of a teenager in Dickinson. Her letter read: "Dear MDU, Recently I received a bill stuffer that smelled like natural gas. I'm wondering if you could send one out that smells like burnt marijuana. I'm suspicious that my son is smoking grass, but I don't know what it smells like."

My reply was that the company purchased the natural gas sniffer stuffers from an outside firm and that vendor only makes the ones that smell like natural gas because it's mandated by law. However, if she wanted to know what marijuana smelled like, she should either go to a rock concert or take a trip (no pun intended) to the Dickinson police department and ask an officer to burn some contraband for her.

I''m reminded of these stories every January when I open my MDU bill only to find the stinky natural gas sniffer stuffer. The old man has since died and the lady's retired....but the stories -- like the smell -- continue to linger.