Whose roll is it anyway

At work, there are a number of things you do that are all lumped into the same category…other duties as assigned. This can include digging into the innards of a copy machine to find a stray sheet of paper or even grabbing a shovel and moving the snow so your co-workers can get out of the parking lot. And co-workers are happy to help in these endeavors.

But there’s one task at work that no one ever seems to want to partake in…and that’s changing the roll of toilet paper in the bathroom

So I ask, whose roll is it anyway?

Where does this “not my roll” mentality come from?

Do they not change the roll at their home? Or maybe they did once, but they got yelled at because they hung the roll wrong.

At our home, my wife is a stickler…she believes the paper should hang over the roll, not against the wall.

So being a contrarian at heart, I mind my manners at home, but at work, I do my own thing. And no one seems to care…because I at least change the roll.

But still I ask, when should a roll be officially retired?

To some it would seem the answer is when the last square has been taken from the roll. But I’m wondering if that’s really too late.

When there is only three or four squares left on the roll, is it really going to do you much good?

Maybe the answer lies in whether or not you are a folder or a crumpler. I know that my father is a folder although I would just as soon not know.

Dad has alzheimers and sometimes he puts the folded tissues into the wastebasket instead of the appropriate receptacle.

I don’t know why, but I’ve always been a crumpler. Maybe it’s because I’m a baby boomer and we’ve always thought more was best. But when it comes to crumpling, three or four squares just won’t do.

So I think the mostly-used roll should be retired early. Unfortunately, I seem to be the only one of the males in my work place who hold a similar view. Judging by the number of empty card board cores I’ve encountered on the job – not only this job, but my previous jobs as well – I’m thinking that men must think changing a roll of toilet paper is the social equivalent of carrying their wife’s purse in a crowded mall.

So I guess what I’m talking about is toilet paper etiquette, bathroom decorum or restroom protocol. I’m in favor of having someone – Miss. Emily Post, comes to mind – write some rules that can be followed. Oh, Miss Post is deceased?

Etiquette are the social rules that keep a society well oiled and running smoothly. I’m actually surprised that this hasn’t been done in the past so here’s my version of Steve’s toilet paper etiquette.

Number 10 – No one ply toiler paper should ever be made or purchased.

Number 9 – At work, the purchasing department should be required to buy toilet paper that’s at least as soft as what they would buy at home.

Number 8 – The person who removes enough toilet paper so that there are less than five squares left should be required to change the roll.

Number 7 – If a custodian is working and he or she sees that there is less than a quarter of a roll left, it should be changed.

Number 6 – The spare roll of toilet paper should be in clear site at all times, especially at a friend’s house. No use in turning a perfectly good house guest into Dick Tracy using his detective skills to find the necessary replacement roll.

Number 5 – Part of the performance review for co-workers should be a question about whether or not they changed even one roll of toilet paper at work in the preceding year.

Number 4 – The roll of toilet paper should be turned in (against the wall) at work and out (over the roll) at home.

Number 3 – A roll of toilet paper that somehow gets wet and hard should be thrown away...or left for company that you don't much care for.

Number 2 – Bosses should lead by example and have to change the toilet paper twice as often as regular employees.

And Number 1 – These rules should be printed out and hung in every bathroom at work in the United States.

So to sum it up, remember that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer to the end, the faster it goes.